To what degrees and how does one know?
So I'm going through in my head who I have to get Xmas gifts for... And who already has stuff.. and I was thinking if the pots n pans for P. Told it wod be an early Xmas gifts..
As I was thinking about these things I stopped again to ponder in where I am with her.. how do I feel about P?
I get this stinking suspicion that I do have some very deep feelings for her... But over time I started to resent her for various reasons, situations, 20+ yr history we grew apart... She was going through the motions... I was a bastard to her.
I knew that it was done...
I worry for her. Mostly from what I consciously attribute to her stroke... She's bad at confronting reality about herself.
I don't think it's P.. but I would love to love again.. but something that I can fall into... Something like that requires work and commitment... Something that I don't think now is the time... But fuck being alone atm... I'm really longing for some companionship... Cuddling..
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