insanity

 I feel a bit melodramatic at the moment... The recent creaker incident seemed to have topped off a bunch of things for me at the moment.

Have been here in Beaverton since Sept 10th...

My anxiety moments have sprung up significantly since I've been here...  So I'm trying to process them and honestly I don't think I was prepared for this mentally. I'm finding my preconceptions are what's been triggered, the creaker incident being separate.

My comfort levels on a number of things are being challenged and having to adapt and process is putting a strain on the ability to overcome or process as an insignificant thing.

But this is something that I as a person feel I should work on. My in ability to function independently may be one of the big issues here. There have been a number of moments that I struggle with others even knowing the situation, patience is a skill to be developed.

Ok where did this wave of emotion come from.

The pain I feel so to do others... Ignorance is what separates others of the empathy that is needed. This includes me as well.

I know I jump to conclusions on things, leaning on my own ignorant knowledge of the world and my experiences. I know I have preconceptions about the world. I'm aware of my limitations and I work on getting rid of those... Most of the time, granted it my not be the most efficient or expeditiously. Which is also one of my things I'm always evaluating. Will I accomplish what I want at the pace I'm going?

I want to cry right now... 

Things internally, mentally, feel off.. gut feeling.. intuition.. anxiety?

I listened to myself to come up...mmmmmm.. not second guessing... Confirming. 

The fucking brain cocktail going on definitely makes me think... Neuroscience beotches.

I'm feeling out of control at the moment.. free fall again.. new routine? Vacation yet not... What is this? 

I have more to learn... Continuing my edumahcayshun.

Current status change... None.

Everyone is still breathing.. you are still powerless. Accept.. be like water.

Live your emotions... But don't be consumed by them. 

I still want to cry... So I will.

I guess I'm still in a relative good mood.. but I need to get out being cooped up all day is depressing as fuck.

Need outdoorsy shit...