So once again my life is a series of rabbit trails... I'm always running around chasing my tail.. I'm really at wits end today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzUpJoUP2y8
Trying to revel in my seething anger and frustration for the day... and still brought to tears.
Tears at the current moment.. the current situation... my family.. every fucking thing in my life is eroding away...
I don't have much left in me to hold on... I seriously had a flash of suicide and the thought of admitting myself today.
I'm so over shit.. I don't have it.
I wanted to enjoy a bit of angry music for an angry moment... and all I'm reminded of is the fucking past. Time and again.. I run into the fucking past...
WHY THE FUCK CAN"T I LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO FUCKING INGRAINED IN MY BRAIN!!!
I don't want to feel miserable when I think back on my fucking past.
Miserable... why that? Why don't I get happy? because I view my life as a failure.
I always have...
Regardless of what may not... (the irrational part of MDD) I'm afraid...I'm so fucking scared most of the time if I sit and think... I get sucked into my own fucking head.. I can't think straight when I'm all fucked up like this...
My chest hurts.. physically hurts... I'm actually not hungry now..
No comments:
Post a Comment
Discourse is the only means of being able to communicate with one another. Assuming one person knows things that you know is not realistic. Spam will be deleted, fallacious messages will be pointed out as such, and educating the reader is not the objective.