Pride comes before autumn

For a long time I struggled with doubt. I still doubt though not on the crippling scale as I once did. It really has been a learning curve.

But the thing that I have been reveling in as of late is the pride of accomplishment or the pride of feeling like I know what I'm doing for once.

Though it is a mixed bag as I write this and my oldest boy is struggling with life much as I did. It gets better, but he doesn't know that. At least not now... I hope he does soon. I hope he comes some realization of where he is and what he needs to do to get better.

The emotional comfort of the past is a lie....

It's been awhile since I've written in here... not that I haven't had something to wrote.. or not felt like it. Honestly I've sort of forgot about it.. somewhat..

I've been busy.. busy moving on with my life... moving on with the things that matter and not dwelling on the things that don't.

Been listening to old music... and needless to say it really is like some rotten piece of meat.

As it brings back up old feelings that truly have no place for today.

I find myself looking back... looking back on what was.. and I really don't like the feeling it puts in my stomach... the sick feeling of yesterday.

I feel like I've progressed past this quite well and it really makes me a bit sick to my stomach.

as much as I want to wallow in it... wallow in the past and get all remember-y...

It feels like a unauthentic emotion... as there is an artificial catalyst... the pulling on the heart strings of yesteryear... the emotional depressive remembrance of glory days?

While I don't shy away from music per se, I do listen to different music or new music more or less. My tastes have changed... I have changed...

I don't like all of my past or a number of the things I've done in my past....  it is what it was.. and i'm no longer going to dwell on should of, would of, could of...

Heaven is hell if it was anything

As quoted from Matt Dillahunty...

That will be my book title...

Ad nauseum and other brain farts

More like nausea as I generally get a feeling of self bourgeois-ness. Actually that's probably not even the correct term.

The ideas of writing a book or documenting things seems a bit pretentious... That's the word.

Yet I read of others and their writings all the time. Self doubt plagues me as well.

Things seems to be going well.. and I can only hope they continue as such.

- 46 yr old me.. yet I'm leaning towards some sort of online site to spill thoughts..