Faith

The ability to give up critical thinking for the hope that magic is real.


Remembering when I was deluded and would think "why can't people see the "truth"".

Now realizing that the open mindedness I was asking for I wasn't willing to embrace myself.

Critical thinking is the ability to look at EVERYTHING in a different manner. Even what you think as "truth or fact" may not actually be the case.

All those feelings for something better... all that "wishful thinking"...

Mentally I feel better now than then... even with my depression. I just hate the roller coaster ride that it is.



Update-2019-06-03

Still firmly believe that logic, reason, philosophy, history, education saved me from myself in a number of ways...  just this emotional chemically induced unconscious bullshit that screws with me.

The reprogramming of behaviors.. examining of traits... looking at reality and assessing what impact can I actually make. Not an easy task.

Political Spiel...

I'm not sure where this bullshit is coming from.... but I'm having a hard time not becoming over emotional about this upcoming nomination cycle for President. For once I guess you could say I feel true hope vs. a repackaged "New & Recycled Same'l <Insert Presidential Candidate>".

It's so freaky chaotic in the world right now, seriously you'd have to be pretty brain dead not to notice. Fuck people have been saying for years the Middle East is a powder keg... if it ever became unstable (like it is), then it very well could be a catalyst for WW3.  Or I've smoked to much weed and just imagined all that up.

But let history decide for itself... When should we start.. WW2?  Hmm.. seems a little obvious but we're gonna have to go back a bit before that. Constantine... This is the time when Christianity took root from there religious dogma would rule the land for centuries to come. Now understand I firmly believe that all religions are nothing more than made up oral traditions from centuries log ago. That was the answer to the questions we as atheists or maybe even those believe in something beyond my comprehension. Stories of how people tried to make things not so scary but scary enough to bullshit the masses.

Science has turned the light on so to speak. It has been the revealing light of ... fuck space is mother fucking scary as hell if you really think about it... so far alone, for some folks in certain scientific circles. Read about a years worth of future/modern science discoveries via any modern current news source. They will have some conflicting ideas about maybe we should of heard from something by now and others with the counter that we are still crunchy number on how big space is and even with those calculations we still could have a large amount of waiting to do.

Regarding the size of the universe, if i remember I had read an article about one theory that says think of the universe as the ocean. While you are on the ocean you have a horizon, the thing about a horizon is you can't see past it. Do you get that, that means that what we "think" is the size of the universe could very well be just the horizon of the universe.

That is the the thought that gutted me.  I like the term.. gutted.

So imagine that what we think we currently know as the universe is a) just the horizon and b) the other postulation that the universe is still expanding. Again.. most of these are the current ideas that are being conveyed.

So.. with that in mind... it's really the biggest fucking trip I've ever had..  crazy shit.. but it's how I feel.

This .. is colossal groundswell for Sen. Sanders... I have to say I hope...and I'm not one for hope.. I HOPE he is the next president. I'm glad I gave as early as I did. Wished it could have been the max.

Having a hard time with the emotions lately... right now.. even... damn onions..

Not bueno...

Dr J & Mr H

One thing that I continue to notice (aside from my always enveloped self obsession) is my moods. Despite rhyme or reason or season for that matter, the little "triggers" that seem to invariably set me off.

Shitty drivers (as I'm speeding through traffic quick to lay on the horn or offer pointless advice on your retarded skills), things misplaced around the house or just when the usually mundane task becomes some herculean effort all of a sudden.

There goes my mood and for what... I haven't made a post in a bit.. and honestly I've been all sorts of out of sorts as of late. Though this seems to be the status quo.... but why? Why do I allow my moods to be so easily affected? Granted I know there are time when my moods are surreptitiously altered by some culmination of underlying events or other feelings that I don't immediately recognize.

Needless to say... now could be another one of those moments.

New year... new shit...

Why should the start of a year make anything significant... why not.

All I know... or at least what has been on my mind the past few weeks.  I really hate .... hate... being sick. Unlike when I was a kid when I would feign sick just to get out of school..

And I also know that I'm having some discrepancies with what I want... back and forth with this bs flip flop crap.

Business needs to start... and I need to get that going within the first few months.

So many things to plan and EXECUTE.... it's that last part that I dawdle on so often.

It this fantasies of winning gobs of money that throw it all off.