those songs

I need to put together a playlist of all those songs I love that have this familiar melancholic feel... Past & present

White trash heroes - archers of loaf

Somebody i used to know - gotye 

Scenario - dramarama

Inxs -  don't change

Tears for fears - change

Rem - radio Europe

Replacements - Alex Chilton 

Pixies - Alec effiel

Abc - look of love

Howard Jones - what is love

Maybe not so much the last 2.. 

is my toe dipping why I'm not phased

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/to-dip-your-toes

I did not have an idealistic childhood, and I'm well aware of others who had it worse. Fundamentally, economically, emotionally, physically, mentally, you name it. I have met those who have had it worse than me in more ways than one. Did not stop my whining and complaining about my situation. To have won that cosmic lottery. Yet there are things I will say I have won. Though as I think about it it dawned in me at how many things I am more or less desensitized to. The depravity if humanity. Namely via dipping my toe in a myriad of counter culture and somewhat depraved behavior myself. Porn at an early age, countless R movies before the age of 16, 13. Saw Scarface the year it came out, same with Silkwood, Trading Places, and more with my overly permissive mother. 

It had just dawned on me that a number of things that I may consume or read or watch may be a bit much for others. Thinking about how even in a society there are extremes, and some may be polar opposites. What some of the less obvious ones may be, especially within leftist circles. The notion of left superior morality syndrome has stuck with for the past few days.

For instance I feel that Carlin would be at odds with those who even share similar beliefs his free use if the English language and it's slang would be a nuclear moment socially supporting the other.

tit for tat

Just starting Howard Zinns A People's History...

Is it that our civilization is just a series of tit for tats...

Lying in wait to pounce upon historical retribution of grievances of the past?

You wronged my ancestors... But it seems like no. Because there never was any sense of recompense or remediation or restitution that truly addressed the crimes committed. Just platitudes and broken promises.

Sapolskys lectures come to mind.

Problems of disassociation?

Nothing matters

Apathy 

Just don't give a shit

 

Are these true and or correct?

Is my situation (here in Tx, lack of money, lack of prospects, lack of a lot of things... that I could probably go on for a bit... things that I could fix, but would I rather just not? Would I rather just complain? Would I rather do nothing and just bitch?

Or is it something else entirely? Am I missing something... which I very much think it is..

I'm tired at the moment.. mentally, physically, and emotionally... I feel off.. sinus issues, allergies are driving me up a wall at the moment...

being here in this fucking state which is a hell hole and a half. 

 

Wondering how my kid is doing knowing his shit show of a situation... his is truly a shit show.. 

 

 

Musically triggered

 Shiny Shiny

Genius of Love

Oingo Boingo mix

U2 Boy

 

What is it about the music of my youth that sends me down this path of melancholic nostalgia.

Songs that are not really in lists of anythings aside from being the glue to it all.

These peripheral bands.. music I heard again and again.. 

and now thinking of that damn Black Mirror episode that absolutely send me in a nostalgic tailspin of sadness. What is it about the past that does this to me? This longing for a time that I can NEVER recapture. That throws me off emotionally and mentally time and again. Granted it's no where as bad as it was in my late 30's, early 40's where I would avoid it completely. Songs of my youth that I avoided so as to not feel that way.

 

Mugiwara

 I'm not cryin.. you are.

 

Damn that Punk Hazard arc... Kuma.. Bonney...

loool

Mushroom chocolate exp atm

Got up for another beer..

Was realizing why I like to do drugs.. it allows me to feel without fear..

Only to be confronted with the future chire if taking the trash out... Chores are the buzzkill. Loool